hold on tight...

there are changes in the air.

some small. some not so much.

first up, I am changing the focus of this blog

to tell my story.

your what?

my story.

the leader on our trip to El Salvador

is a very inspirational individual who spoke

in detail about human stories and

encouraged us to think about

what do we want our stories to say about us?

if a story was written about your life today,

would anyone go see it in a movie theater?

or take the time to read the book?

is there any depth?

any chapters on courage, stepping out on the ledge, helping others?

what do you want your "story" to be

when you are gone from this earth.

I am going to spend the next year

working on my storyboard,

creating an outline draft

of what I want my story to say.

this blog has always been primarily a

happy go lucky place where

I tried to keep things light

and not get into anything too deep or sad but

to be honest it really is not

meeting the requirements of "operation be authentic".

my story needs to be authentic

so if this is the space that I am going to

document my adventures then

it needs to have the good, the bad and the not so pretty.

I still think there will be a picture a day

and What's for Dinners and all that other fun stuff

but also an emphasis on trying to find my place in

this world.

I have pictures (and lots of them!)

for the 365 project and I will get

caught up over the next few days.

** my other blog (where did I put that soapbox) is being deleted today.

operation be authentic and operation simplify goes on a field trip...

4,721.76 kilometres away.

this year has been dedicated to being the change I wanted to see
and finding out who I am, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beauty.

all of it.

just being me.

every day, every moment.

as well, i (and by association my family) embarked on journey to simplify
every aspect of our lives.

to take the time to remember what it is important
to concentrate on our family unit
eliminate people, places, things that were negative influences
on what we feel is important.

we are trying to minimize our need for material goods

concentrate on spending more time with each other

and be aware of individuals around us who may need a hand up.

so when the opportunity presented itself to participate in

a service mission to el salvador with scott's employer, Stepper Homes

i didn't hesitate for a second to sign us up.

not even fazed by the bugs, heat, my over the top sensitive stomach,

the crime rate, earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis, hurricanes, mudslides

it just felt like the right thing to do

i couldn't think of a better way to celebrate this

year of monumnetal change.

and now as we are 3 sleeps away

the nerves are starting to settle in

and I am wondering what the heck I have got myself into

will I pass out?

how sick I am going to get?

will it be safe?

how many creepy crawlies will I be sleeping with?

is the earth going to shake?

will my heart being able to take what I am about to see?

how will this effect me? scott? us?

will the kids be ok without us?

how many el salvadorians babies am I going to be sneaking into my luggage?

scott and i can not build ikea furniture together without world war 3 erupting, how are we going to build houses?

just how much am i going to cry?

i believe in being the change you want to create, how will this experience shape me?

only time will tell at this time,

we are set to fly out 7am Saturday

(long layover in houston and El Salvador late afternoon)

in sunday we meet the families, monday to thursday we build (2 houses for each group of 5)

friday is the key ceremony and perhaps food delivery to the houses.

saturday will be a beach day and sunday back home.

saturday night will we have a quick meet up with the second group

(our group of 20 (80% staff, 20% spouses) are gone for the first week

and the second group, also about 20 employee/spouses will come for the second week)

stepper will be hosting a blog that apparently will be kept updated

it can be found at blog.stepperhomes.com (click here)

feel free to leave comments and I am sure Jaclyn (host of the blog)

will pass them on.

i encourage you to watch the video below,

it will give you additional insight into our trip

and it also shows the current homes many of these families live in

and give you an idea of what we will be building for them.

it also shows you just how beautiful this tiny little country is...

293/365

title: unfocused~ this photo is SOOC (straight out of the camera, except a small crop)

something that I am...often

it used to bother me
I tried really hard to stay on track
I would beat myself up when I would be scattered

wondering why I couldn't be a little more "normal"

but in reality I am easily allured by any sparkly thing in my path
and have much in common with Dug from UP!...Squirrel

people often need diagrams to follow
along with my conversations

there is not a bouncing ball that

could keep up with me when I am on a roll

but in the year of authenticity

I embrace it
not all willing to see a doctor to fix
which could be some degree of ADD,
it is who I am

without it...

would I be as creative?
as energetic?
as amusing?
as unique?
as engaged in my life?

I think I will stick with the positives it brings me

and minimize the negatives.

I have found coping mechanisms

such as playing music keeps me on task at work,

having a long to do list

and giving into the need to multi task

gets more than done if I only had one

thing to accomplish.

this year I have learned

that we need to be careful when we

try to change who we are,

and by that I mean, who we TRULY are

the good, the bad, the unattractive

not that person we think we

SHOULD be or WANT to be

no, just what and who we are.

a little bit of housekeeping

I have a new post for Operation Be Authentic at my other home...

click here

and my sister has decided to join the blogging world, you can check her out here

I will have spotty to no Internet connection starting Friday until Sunday the 8th. If I have a chance I will do updates but if not I will catch up on the 8th and 9th.

I think it almost time for another contest but I have to get my first ever blog first prize over to poor Jenny who had her starbuck mug/gift card packed away in my craft room stuff. I have not forgotten Jenny, I will get it over to you shortly. Perhaps when we get settled in a permanent location we will have a celebratory contest!

175/365

june 2010

happy thoughts...

summer drinks
love
family
fresh cut grass
honesty
smile dimples

children
bare feet
girlfriends
blue sky

freedom
fluffy clouds
laughter
campfires
dancing under the stars
new jack johnson cd
peace
chocolate
rosemary sourdough bread

creating

potential

new starts

what is your list?

166/365

last night I discovered

I hurt my best friend badly

and I am very fortunate that she

valued our friendship enough to tell me

she could have easily decided to

keep her pain inside

let it brew

and at some point in the future

when it all accumulated

she would just blow and

that would be that

the friendship would not be salvageable.

instead she took a big breath

said " you hurt me badly"

and this is why...

I listened

took it all in

and broke apart into a

million little pieces inside

it wasn't intentional on my end

and she said she knew that

I had reasons to why it happened

but in the end they were just excuses

& to me those thing don't really matter

hurt is still hurt

if I aware I was doing it at the time

or not

she was bruised from my actions

and that is not ok.

it hurt me to hear it

hurt me to know I caused her pain

and that she cried as

she is not really a crier.

it took my breath away

and crumbled my tough

I know who I am

and what I stand for facade

in miliseconds

in the 15 minute walk home

I felt that I no longer knew

what operation be authentic was

or what I was really simplifying.

I dropped a ball

acted in a way that I didn't think was me

and I was lost.

I walked away from this creative outlet,

didn't feel like picking up my camera,

felt that I was no further ahead and even

maybe farther behind in being an

authentic, good person

and well, I cried

Scott just rubbed my back let me cry

and I threw myself a rather large pity party.

but at 3am when I couldn't sleep

I read a few of the comments left

and I felt a little warmer inside.

and later I read more of the comments &

they brought a different type of tears.

then...

the turning point

and what made me more thankful then ever

for the people in my life

my best friend called to make sure I was ok

I broke her heart and she was worried about me.

I was humbled

and I cried.

I can't promise her that

I won't fail her again

and I truly don't think she

expects a promise

she needed to tell me

I needed to listen,

acknowledge my mistake

and apologize

we both needed to do what

was the right thing

even though it was hard

if she can forgive me

then guess I need to forgive myself

accept ownership

try my hardest to not drop

the best friend ball again

pick myself up

and continue this journey to be

the best person that I can.

I need this blog.

although last night I wanted nothing to do with it

and truly felt I would not be back for awhile

but today I think I know why I ran...

it forces me to address issues head on

& as I work through operation be authentic

I need to be honest

warts and all

and I knew you, my Internet community,

keep me accountable

and expect me to be true.

Even though I try to keep this forum

light and positive

I now realize it is important

to show that every once in awhile

no matter how hard you try

to be positive,

rationalize the bumps in the road

and find that silver lining

that you still will get the

wind knocked out of you

and the true strength is to

not run away but to face it

head on

and so I now know that I have made

headway in operation be authentic

and all is not lost.

I am still confused

and upset with myself

that I dropped a very important ball.

However, I am proud that I took ownership,

did not rely on excuses

looked inside and accepted that in this

situation I sucked

and that in retrospect there are a few other

things I need to work on

but I picked myself up

called closing time on the pity party

(with the help of a gracious best friend

& you, my Internet friends and family)

and did not run away (well, very far)

which a year ago would not have been the case.

That in itself is a check in the plus side

of Operation be Authentic.

thank you all and take care,

dee-ann

134/365...a whole lot of camera love going on

first there is my ongoing love fest with my 30 D

then the joy of a new love in discovering the Fuji Instax

and now a gift from my father in law...

which by channeling my inner MacGyver

and using those genetics from my dad that

allows me to create something out of nothing

I rigged this up...

that allowed me to create these dreamy images...

I have just scratched the service of this technique

and after some sleuth googling I was able to find some

tip and tricks that will allow me to take this camera and my 30D out

for a spin and see what we can create!

I have never really thought of myself as overly creative, that is my mom and sister's thing. Growing up I was the problem solver, the can't we all just get along kind of girl, the one that failed art class and was told by her English teacher to never ever pursue a career in the written word.

However, as I venture further and further into Operation be Authentic I am discovering that perhaps I am just a late bloomer. Therefore Operation be Creative joins Operation Healthy family and Operation Simplify.

Funnily enough the breakage of my 30D has probably pushed me outside my boundaries and has given me the excuse to find different creative outlets. Stay tuned as hopefully there will be more to share.

I am sure some of it will have you and me shaking our heads, but I have finally learned that art is not perfect, nor is it everything to everyone and that is ok

art and I may have something in common.

110/365 Operation Healthy Family goes to detox...

well at least 1/4 of the family.

today I made the questionable decision to

start a herb detox/cleanse for 12 days

why you ask?

because I think detoxes are stupid

and dangerous

and don't do any good

and starving yourself is crazy

ummm, yes then based on that

it makes perfect sense that I

have started one today.

well those thoughts are actually

one of my motivators for this adventure

I have learned in Operation be authentic

that is it good to have opinions, strong ones

but that they need to be balanced and when

possible you need to make sure you have examined

both sides of the argument clearly

so you know exactly where you stand

so with that in mind

my hatred of cleanses/detoxes

was an unfair and uneducated opinion

I have never done any type of program

or even googled about it

and I google everything

so with a desire to have better informed opinions

I went to a local organic market

and had a wonderful women help me out

with one destined to get things "moving"

which is a bit worrisome but at the

end of 12 days I should feel cleaner

more energized and healthier

and maybe as a perk, lose a few pounds

So I bought the package and

then spent 4 hours

researching all comments

concerns and details on the net

and reading the included booklet

front to back a hundred times

and stocked up on some "allowable" foods.

I was undecided about doing it until

breakfast this morning

and finally decided I would give it a whirl

as after my research I couldn't find any

real concerns with this particular regime and

other than the medical community thinking

that a cleanse/detox have absolutely no benefits but

neither were there the scary dangerous warnings

I thought there may be.

As well, there is no starving involved

the allowable foods are

the ones I have been trying to

concentrate on anyways

I will miss the dairy,bread & sugars of any kind

but it is only 12 days and

at the very least I will have an informed opinion

One of the other reasons I started this was

because I was starting to slip a bit with

my food choices and the scale

has hit a plateau for the last 3 weeks

so the concentration on vegetables

and weaning me from my sugar weakness

is well timed.

So far I am one day in

and other than a wicked headache

most likely thanks to the absence of my

1 or 2 a day Venti Vanilla Americano Misto habit

& afternoon dark chocolate

I am doing ok

no severe bathroom issues...yet anyways ;)

I am just taking it one day at a time

and see how far I can go

and to prove there is no starving involved...

breakfast

~boiled egg, strawberries, multi-grain rice cake, almond butter, herbal pills

~there is also a liquid you put in your water (breakfast and dinner) and it doesn't taste wonderful but so far so good

dinner

if this post wasn't already so wordy I would post the recipe for the dinner as

it was so good.

Detox or no detox we will make this many times as Scott & I really liked it and it was very filling with many tasty good for you foods.

It is basically a combination of lettuce, rice, black beans, red peppers, orange peppers, ground lean chicken, taco seasoning, avocado, tomatoes and cilantro.

96/365 a house update and words, lots of them

not much new

except the windows have made it

from the garage into their proper places.

in other home news we have started

to move small things over to the apartment

and the big move will be this weekend.

I am excited, ready for all the hard work to be done

but looking forward to the new adventure.

everyone in the family has now seen

our short term home

and I wouldn't say the kids are

thrilled or even ok with it but

if I have learned anything this week

is that a little change & stepping outside

their own little self involved world

may be hard but is such an important exercise for them.

I guess I was very simple in my thoughts when this

all began, my Jerry Maguire mission statement was this:

make things simple

take out the extra "stuff"

eliminate the waste of energy, time and resources

concentrate on being authentic individuals and a family

easy peasy right?

well, it has turned out to be an iceberg

but not in a taking down of the titanic way,

more of a there is so much more to it

under the surface then what you see.

one of the lessons I have learned,

is that my children need a little

more adversity in their lives,

the chance to develop tools

that will allow them to accept change

see the best in situations

and rise to the occasion in difficult times

I don't want my children to be sad, scared or angry

I want to protect them

make sure they are safe

and know they are loved...

however, I am doing them no favours

if I don't encourage them to do things they don't want to do,

make decisions that are good for the family

but with the realization that it will disrupt their routines

and to challenge their reactions and attitudes.

I am sure in the short term they don't give

a flying leap that this is an important learning experience

but it is my hope that if they read this in 20 years

they will recognize this experience as one that helped shape who they are.

21/365 a wordy 2010

every year I spend many (many) moments

contemplating my "word" for the upcoming year

this is a tradition that is inspired by

one of my creative inspirations,

Ali Edwards (click here for her website)

who never seems to have as many issues

as I do narrowing it down to

that "one" word

the word that will guide me

inspire me

motivate me

shape me

describe me

throughout the year.

well, after A LOT of thought

combined with the fact that

I am not much of a rule follower...

I have chosen 26 words.

along with operation healthy family 2010

I have also embraced "operation be authentic"

creating and discovering my authentic self

was a process that began last year

and this year it is going to be a real focus for me.

it will not be easy

& most likely it will be messy at times

but I am always up for a good challenge

and what could be better than

trying to discover who you really are

and being that person every day, every moment.

I went to the alphabet for help

and chose 26 words

that I think will help guide

me through this challenge.

my words:

acceptance

balance

create

discover

embrace

focus

go

healthy

imagine

joy

knowledge

laughter

me

nurture

organize

peace

quick

relax

spirit

truth

unity

vision

words

xanadu

yum

zip

** I know xanadu is a bit of a stretch but it is a GREAT song and when I am down it is one of the tunes I turn to for a little pick me up.