solving the world issues...

it will be very difficult

(as I do not believe in the word impossible, it is not used but if a situation was ever close to deserving this terrible word this is it)

to fix all the world's problems.

and that's not all bad.

what? are you saying you are ok with the terrible things that happen every day in our society.

Not at all, I wish for a day without war, where every child has the chance to be whatever they choose in a clean and healthy environment. Where no one feels un-loved. Where there are no judgments. Where we accept everyone as equals.

However, as I watch Tuscon mourn the horrific loss of 10 life's (with others still fighting in hospital)and I see America (and other parts of the world) come together as a community in a time of sorrow I realize, like it or not, these horrible events occur and they make us dig deep, find our strengths and reach out to our neighbours.

We find the strength in ourselves, the strength in our communities, both immediate and global. Terrible events bring people together and allows many individuals the opportunity to re-focus on the importance of life and the responsibility we all have to look out for each other and take ownership of the words (and visuals) that we use.

We (society) do not allow these horrific events do go unnoticed. We grief, we honour and we recognize the losses to many hurting families tonight.

I wish with all my heart that we did not need to suffer horrible losses to reinforce the importance of living every moment we are on this earth fully.

Unfortunately though, our emotions are based on opposites.

We would not know what JOY was without SADNESS

PEACE without WAR

LOVE without LOSS

SWEET without SOUR

STRENGTH without WEAKNESS

FREEDOM without OPPRESSION

I send my thoughts and prayers to all people suffering tonight, not only in Tuscon, but in Southern Sudan where they are fighting for democracy, to the homeless who are braving minus 20 degree weather in Calgary, to children who feel unloved and to all others that need a positive thought thrown their way.

Know that whatever horrible thing you are going through right now will end, everything, good or bad comes to an end at some point.

Every word in your story, every chapter, every event means something and it will define who you were and what you believed in during your time on this earth.

Without adversity you would not be here today. Everything you do and feel is making you stronger and preparing you for the next test, and there will be one, I promise you that.

* if you are not aware of what is happening in Tuscon, Arizona, click here

I also ask that you take a moment to pray (or whatever you feel is appropriate) for those that are hurting tonight in our world. Hang on a little tighter to your children and be grateful for the love we have in our lives.

Being the change you want to see...

Ashley (a colleague) and I have had fascinating conversations about change, our world, and most importantly, what our roles in our rather complex society should be, in the last few weeks.

She is much wiser than her 25ish years (I may have complimented her or just insulted her but I know it is somewhere in the mid-twenties). If I could have been in her same head space 13 years ago I may have had world happiness domination well in hand by now.

She has an excellent post tonight (here) about fear, making real changes to her life and the perceptions of others.

This is the comment I left on her blog:

I think it is important for all of us, especially those thinking of making significant changes, to remember this:

We have all failed before and/or found ourselves in a bad situation in the last XX amount of being on this earth. We have rose above it and overcome the adversity which in return has made us stronger individuals.

So if what is holding you back is that if you make a change, this (insert whatever terrible outcome you would like to) might occur, know that you have demonstrated in the past your ability to overcome adversity and find solutions. You have a proven track record or you would not still be here today.

Whatever happens, good or bad (most likely will be a combination of both) just makes your "story" that more interesting.

playing a little nicky nicky nine doors...

well without the knocking and running away,
but it did involve being sneaky
and stressed me out enough that I broke into
the box of liquor chocolates I had bought my Nana for Christmas.

what could have possibly caused this stress on Christmas Day?

an anonymous random act of kindness neighbour Christmas gift.

making the gifts didn't stress me out,
they were actually quite enjoyable to put together,
it was the sneaking up to the doors of my neighbours at 1am
placing them on their door knobs
so they would be greeted with a Christmas treat in the morning.

I am not sure what I thought was going to happen
that had me popping the little chocolate liquor bottles
but I felt like a huge trespasser and that any minute
the neighborhood watch would call 911 and I would
be sitting in the slammer Christmas day or the door was going to
fly open and the person would demand to know what I was doing.

Of course, all was well,
no arrests, no confrontations.
I feel confident that being a burglar is never in my future though,
the stress of doing nothing wrong was killing me, I can't
even imaging what it would do to me if I was doing something ilegal.

I dropped off 12 gifts to randomly picked homes
(I did go with homes that had lights on and Christmas decorations)
over a 3 block area.

By late afternoon, they majority were removed from the doorknobs
and I can only hope they enjoyed their mysterious surprise.

(December 24th) being the change I want to see...

this is an early start to the next "Operation..." that I am

going to introduce for the year 2011 (and beyond)...

Operation : Be the Change.

Since my return from El Salvador it has been well documented that I am struggling.

Desperately trying to hold on to my need to make a difference and not get caught up in my daily routine and obligations.

I was scared though.

I didn't know what to do.

How to start.

What difference I, one little person, could really make.

I didn't want to be an enabler. I want to make sure I am helping and not hindering.

In my usual way, I was over thinking it.

Our family was invited to go with Dave and Sharon (the General Manager at Stepper Homes and his wife) to join them and 4 other families to deliver Chili to the homeless/less fortunate downtown Christmas eve.

I said yes immediately.

Then I had a week to work myself into a frenzy of doubt.

I almost backed out but then I re-read my El Salvador entries

and I remembered my need and desire to make a change.

Even if I brought joy to just one person.

I took a big breath, rounded up the family,

and all 4 of us went down to Inglewood to meet up with the

other families.

Instead of chili, we took water and Tim Horton's coffee.

There was no real plan, we drove around looking for a group,

the night was warmer (still very cold, but balmy in Alberta Winter terms)

so we figured a few people would be out.

At the end we ended up at the Downtown drop in center,

where over 1 hour, we handed out over 50 cups of coffee,

60 bottles of water, 3 tins of fresh homemade cookies,

4 crockpots of chili, buns, packages of hot chocolate and jelly beans.

This was a much different experience than El Salvador.

It was just as sad to me, but in a different way.

In El Salvador, we handed out food to families that were working,

trying their hardest to provide for their families, but just

don't have the same opportunities that we do in Canada.

The people were humble and very grateful. I struggled with the feelings

of being so proud, trying your hardest, but still having to ask for help from others.

Downtown, I felt that many of the individuals are a victim

of their own circumstances and our societies misplaced values.

I am not here to judge as I do not understand the stories of these

individuals and have never walked in their shoes but I will say that I was taken back by the amount of individuals that appeared to be under the influence of drugs/alcohol.

For the most part though they were very polite and kind to the

children that we had with us. A few of the gentleman took the time

to tell the young boys that they need to make sure they never end up

where they are as it is no life.

There were many thanks and god bless spoken throughout the night.

However, there was a sense of entitlement on the part of some

(please note, I want to make it clear, it was just a few individuals and not all)

that I never felt when I was in El Salvador.

Near the end, we also had a few individuals who had a lot to say on the state of the world in

very unflattering terms and how much they have been wronged but a quick request to tone the language down due to the children present usually was all that was needed. The interesting contrast to El Salvador is not once did I hear anyone complain that it was someone else's fault that they lived like they did.

What I loved though was hearing the stories shared as

they ate the chili and sipped their coffees.

There were some great tales being spun. Maybe they

were true, maybe they weren't but it was fascinating just the same.

My soul was touched when one gentleman thanked me

for calling him "sir".

He was an older man and I had asked him what he needed in his coffee.

When I handed him the sugar and cream, I said "there you go sir"

He stopped, looked straight into my eyes and said...

"thank you for calling me sir, even though I am a general without an army"

His tone sounded like he doesn't experience much respect in his every day.

For me, it was something I would have said to anyone.

I didn't say it to make him feel better,

I was treating him like I would have treated anyone else and

that meant something to him.

While reflecting on this experience over the last few days

I came to the realization that serving them chili and coffee

was perhaps not the real gift. Treating them as respected human beings

while we listened to their stories and gave them a little positive human interaction,

may stay with them much longer than the full chili belly.

I am still not sure where I stand on our homeless situation

and have a lot to process.

However, what I know for sure,

and what I want to make sure my children understand,

is that we made a difference in a few life's for a few moments

and that is a gift.

A gift that we are in the position to give and

it is our responsibility to share what we have,

financially, emotionally and time wise.

It is not my place to judge. To tell anyone what

they should or should not be doing with their life's.

Do I agree with their lifestyles? Am I upset that we live in a

country with many opportunities but that there is many people that are not in a position or are not willing to take advantage of them? Do I find it frustrating that our taxes go towards paying for people that choose to live on the street and not be employed?

I realized my answers to the above questions don't matter.

I have done extensive research the last few days

about the different services available and

our city is trying to make a difference.

There are many people and organizations that are

doing great and admirable work.

They are concerning themselves with the difficult questions.

What is my role? to do what I can, when I can, to bring a little joy and comfort to those, that for whatever reason , do not have it right now.

I read a wonderful Hawaiian proverb that answered many of the confusing questions in my mind about what in the world difference can I make, did serving chili and coffee make any real difference and many other confusing thoughts...

Hawaiian proverb: A little boy is walking along a beach strewn with thousands of starfish that have washed up on shore. The little boy is picking up the starfish and tossing them back in the ocean. An older man walks up to the boy and says, "This is a waste of time. You can't make a difference. There is no way you can save them all." The little boy bent down and picked up another starfish and threw it back in the ocean. He looked at the older man and said, "Sure made a difference to that one."

I only have a few pictures to share as I didn't ask permission from the other families we were with to post picutres of them and I was very aware not to take pictures of the homeless (their faces).