(December 24th) being the change I want to see...

this is an early start to the next "Operation..." that I am

going to introduce for the year 2011 (and beyond)...

Operation : Be the Change.

Since my return from El Salvador it has been well documented that I am struggling.

Desperately trying to hold on to my need to make a difference and not get caught up in my daily routine and obligations.

I was scared though.

I didn't know what to do.

How to start.

What difference I, one little person, could really make.

I didn't want to be an enabler. I want to make sure I am helping and not hindering.

In my usual way, I was over thinking it.

Our family was invited to go with Dave and Sharon (the General Manager at Stepper Homes and his wife) to join them and 4 other families to deliver Chili to the homeless/less fortunate downtown Christmas eve.

I said yes immediately.

Then I had a week to work myself into a frenzy of doubt.

I almost backed out but then I re-read my El Salvador entries

and I remembered my need and desire to make a change.

Even if I brought joy to just one person.

I took a big breath, rounded up the family,

and all 4 of us went down to Inglewood to meet up with the

other families.

Instead of chili, we took water and Tim Horton's coffee.

There was no real plan, we drove around looking for a group,

the night was warmer (still very cold, but balmy in Alberta Winter terms)

so we figured a few people would be out.

At the end we ended up at the Downtown drop in center,

where over 1 hour, we handed out over 50 cups of coffee,

60 bottles of water, 3 tins of fresh homemade cookies,

4 crockpots of chili, buns, packages of hot chocolate and jelly beans.

This was a much different experience than El Salvador.

It was just as sad to me, but in a different way.

In El Salvador, we handed out food to families that were working,

trying their hardest to provide for their families, but just

don't have the same opportunities that we do in Canada.

The people were humble and very grateful. I struggled with the feelings

of being so proud, trying your hardest, but still having to ask for help from others.

Downtown, I felt that many of the individuals are a victim

of their own circumstances and our societies misplaced values.

I am not here to judge as I do not understand the stories of these

individuals and have never walked in their shoes but I will say that I was taken back by the amount of individuals that appeared to be under the influence of drugs/alcohol.

For the most part though they were very polite and kind to the

children that we had with us. A few of the gentleman took the time

to tell the young boys that they need to make sure they never end up

where they are as it is no life.

There were many thanks and god bless spoken throughout the night.

However, there was a sense of entitlement on the part of some

(please note, I want to make it clear, it was just a few individuals and not all)

that I never felt when I was in El Salvador.

Near the end, we also had a few individuals who had a lot to say on the state of the world in

very unflattering terms and how much they have been wronged but a quick request to tone the language down due to the children present usually was all that was needed. The interesting contrast to El Salvador is not once did I hear anyone complain that it was someone else's fault that they lived like they did.

What I loved though was hearing the stories shared as

they ate the chili and sipped their coffees.

There were some great tales being spun. Maybe they

were true, maybe they weren't but it was fascinating just the same.

My soul was touched when one gentleman thanked me

for calling him "sir".

He was an older man and I had asked him what he needed in his coffee.

When I handed him the sugar and cream, I said "there you go sir"

He stopped, looked straight into my eyes and said...

"thank you for calling me sir, even though I am a general without an army"

His tone sounded like he doesn't experience much respect in his every day.

For me, it was something I would have said to anyone.

I didn't say it to make him feel better,

I was treating him like I would have treated anyone else and

that meant something to him.

While reflecting on this experience over the last few days

I came to the realization that serving them chili and coffee

was perhaps not the real gift. Treating them as respected human beings

while we listened to their stories and gave them a little positive human interaction,

may stay with them much longer than the full chili belly.

I am still not sure where I stand on our homeless situation

and have a lot to process.

However, what I know for sure,

and what I want to make sure my children understand,

is that we made a difference in a few life's for a few moments

and that is a gift.

A gift that we are in the position to give and

it is our responsibility to share what we have,

financially, emotionally and time wise.

It is not my place to judge. To tell anyone what

they should or should not be doing with their life's.

Do I agree with their lifestyles? Am I upset that we live in a

country with many opportunities but that there is many people that are not in a position or are not willing to take advantage of them? Do I find it frustrating that our taxes go towards paying for people that choose to live on the street and not be employed?

I realized my answers to the above questions don't matter.

I have done extensive research the last few days

about the different services available and

our city is trying to make a difference.

There are many people and organizations that are

doing great and admirable work.

They are concerning themselves with the difficult questions.

What is my role? to do what I can, when I can, to bring a little joy and comfort to those, that for whatever reason , do not have it right now.

I read a wonderful Hawaiian proverb that answered many of the confusing questions in my mind about what in the world difference can I make, did serving chili and coffee make any real difference and many other confusing thoughts...

Hawaiian proverb: A little boy is walking along a beach strewn with thousands of starfish that have washed up on shore. The little boy is picking up the starfish and tossing them back in the ocean. An older man walks up to the boy and says, "This is a waste of time. You can't make a difference. There is no way you can save them all." The little boy bent down and picked up another starfish and threw it back in the ocean. He looked at the older man and said, "Sure made a difference to that one."

I only have a few pictures to share as I didn't ask permission from the other families we were with to post picutres of them and I was very aware not to take pictures of the homeless (their faces).