day cinqo

today was food delivery day. a morning of buying,sorting and packing 300 bags of food for delivery. each package contained a bag of corn, rice, red beans, powdered milk, 5 packages of soup mix and oil. it was funny as many of us commented that some of the things we have done and experienced here, feel like an amazing race detour or roadblock! Craig *a co worker of Scotts* and I sat with a 20 pound bag of corn, and then rice, between us and made about 100 mini bags to put in the family packages, we both commented this would just be like a detour to have to make these bags and as we kept looking over at the pastors wife, Maurizta to make sure we were making them the correct size, we half expected her to give us our next clue!

then off to deliver to two different villages, you would think this would be a joyful task but it actually made me very sad. i felt for these men and women that lined up, coming out of the forest literally, to receive a bag of food that would feed their family for around 10 days. i know they were thankful and I am glad we had the oppurtunity to give them hope but i was sad that it has to come to this. There were tears in their eyes as they had this gift of food and tears in my eyes as I was heartbroken that this may be all the food they have for a long time.

as mentioned in an email home yesterday, the poverty and desperation seem to be in techni colour. the HD techni colour channel I was tuned into on Monday has been changed to a much sadder one. The animals seem smellier, the childrens faces seem dirtier, the litter is thicker, the crying seems louder, the bright coloured doors of homes and stores in San Vicente appear dull, the wonderful spanish music softer and the childrens laughter quieter.

how can i switch the channel back to the one earlier in the week when i was fresh faced and taking it all in where I only heard the laughter and not the crying, saw the beautiful smiling faces of the children and not the dirt, saw the uniqueness of a pig walking by your feet at lunch or chasing a chiken out of your jobsite and not the smell and where i felt a little love and elbow grease on our end would make all the difference.

I asked Stu tonight, one of our leaders who has been here many times and is moving his family here in January, if it ever gets easier. Will there be a time when the joy outweighs the sight of desperation? he assured me it does. you never want to get immune to it but yes after many visits he feels more joy than sadness.

i hope and pray for that moment when I can change the channel and see El Salvador in the positive techni colour that I know it is.